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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Jan 29, 2012 17:53:33 GMT -5
Sparrowpaw didn't know what to do. She had woken with a start, mind fresh with the dreams she had. They were filled with Rageshadow, and her father... the memory of it was still vivid. It was still dark out, but the sun was slowly beginning to rise. Cats would wake soon. This would be the perfect chance to snag Raggedshadow and go hunt with him, in hopes of clearing whatever happened the night before.
The brown tabby silently padded into the warriors' den, careful not to step on any tails. She briefly glanced around. This was where she would be sleeping when she became a warrior. When she reached Raggedshadow's nest, she felt almost sorry that she had to wake him up. He looked so peaceful.
"Raggedshadow," she whispered, prodding him in the side with a paw. "Raggedshadow, wake up," she whispered once more, slightly louder this time. When he showed no signs of waking, she sighed and decided that she'd wait for him. No one was awake, so it wouldn't be a problem, right? Sparrowpaw lay down beside the larger-framed tom and let out a sigh.
She just couldn't get her mind off of what happened last night. How Raggedshadow asked why she cared about him, how she suddenly snapped when he offered to leave. Everything was still raw in her mind. But there was one thing she also couldn't stop thinking about. The way she felt when he rested his nose on her head, her body slightly pressed against his. It felt so comforting... so safe... so right.
But Sparrowpaw was an apprentice. Raggedshadow was a warrior, and not to mention, her mentor. She would just act like nothing happened and move on. But no matter how hard she tried to push the thoughts of the black and white tom out of her mind, she didn't want to move on.
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Post by Masquerade on Jan 29, 2012 18:07:38 GMT -5
Raggedshadow "Raggedshadow..." He tossed in his sleep, the voice echoing in his ears. His dreams had become his worst nightmare this time around, and he'd only just now gotten somewhat comfortable. For some reason, the stars in his dream had whispered his name, sparkling. They sounded like her...
"Raggedshadow, wake up." He heard, his ears twitching. "Harrumph." He grunted, stretching out on his stomach, front paws extending as far as they'd reach. His claws extended before he retracted them, hauling himself up to a sitting position. "Wha?" He meowed softly, voice still thick with sleep. All at once, the emotions from the night before came crashing into him, making his shoulders heavy. He blinked, looking around, and then down. Where Sparrowpaw lay, next to his nest. What?
He stood, being careful as to keep from stepping on another warrior's head, as he'd done one night before, and slipped toward the entrance to the den. He flicked his tail for her to follow, so that no one would awaken because of their talking. He said not a word, not a single little word. He just sat down, a little farther from the den, and waited for her.
Raggedshadow didn't know what to think, or how to feel, but he would see what she had in mind for today. He'd go on as if nothing happened, and completely forget he'd said a word the night before. In fact, he may even forget about the night before...
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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Jan 29, 2012 19:06:47 GMT -5
Sparrowpaw couldn't help but smile in amusement as Raggedshadow woke with a grunt, stretching his limbs before climbing out of his nest. But as soon as she saw the look on his face, her smile vanished. For once, she wasn't feeling as enthusiastic. But she'd try to act normal, for Raggedshadow's sake. It felt like she was the one who was causing him to look so upset, and she hated seeing him like that.
As she emerged from the den, at the mere sight of Raggedshadow, she felt torn. Torn between focusing on training and being his apprentice, and town between being friends with him, or maybe somthine even more. But either way, she was determined to lift the tension from the air and bring things back to the way they were. Briefly clearing her throat to speak, Sparrowpaw found it difficult to form words. Why? Just speak, already! she snapped at herself.
"Er, sorry for waking you up so early," she started, scuffling her front paws in the ground. She forced herself to keep her gaze trained on him, and even manage a friendly smile, like she always did. "Can we could go hunting, just to make sure I'm ready for my assessment?" she finally asked, making sure to be direct, so that he wouldn't suspect anything. In a way, this was some type of apoligy. Asking him to go on a one-on-one hunt with her was just another way of saying she wanted them to move on and be friends again.
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Post by Masquerade on Jan 29, 2012 19:21:04 GMT -5
The tom pondered this for a moment, nodding his head. "Might as well. You'll never be a warrior if we don't do more training than we have." He answered, sounding pretty blunt and emotionless. He stood up, tail swishing behind him. His eyes glowered, shining brilliantly in the rising light. His fur, somewhat unkempt, lay flat after he'd tossed his head and licked at the tuffed spots. He hated being unclean.
"Lead the way, Sparrowpaw." Raggedshadow murmured, flicking his ears in confusion and embarassment. He wanted so much to say something that had been on his heart from yesterday, but he knew it would be worthless. He needed to keep his priorities straight, so why was it eating away at him? Why did it bother him so much? He was flustered, that he knew, and he wanted to get rid of the nagging that the words screamed at him, but he stayed quiet, as usual. He'd be worth little if that's all he knew to do.
He felt a soft, morning breeze pick at his fur, the scent of prey just barely there outside camp. His paws itched to run, run as far as he could. They itched to be free, they itched to sink claws into something that would be useful to the clan. He wished to be more useful to the clan... So why didn't he amount to something? Why didn't he try to put himself somewhere? Why was he being so soft? He grew up darker than this.
Raggedshadow yawned, the only thing he really could do in such an awkward situation for himself. He was fighting so hard with himself. He just needed to release some of his own tension on prey. Yes, that was it, he told himself. That was all he needed to do. 'It's just from being in that den all night. Just focus on releasing the tension on food for the clan.' He thought, waiting.
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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Jan 29, 2012 19:32:47 GMT -5
The emptiness in Raggedshadow's voice almost made Sparrowpaw wince, as if she had recieved a blow to the face. Why was he acting like this? It made no sense, however much she wanted it to. Not only did he not sound like himself, but he didn't look like himself, either. His fur was ruffled and his blunt expression gave the illusion that he hadn't slept in days. But who was Sparrowpaw to judge him like this? Maybe he was just dealing with some other problem. It wasn't always about her. For a heartbeat, she suddenly wondered if she was acting like Kestrelpaw.
Straightening her posture, she merely nodded at her mentor and pushed through the reeds and into the territory, trying to be as enthusiastic as she possibly could. The faint scent of prey here and there gave her an idea that made her smile with excitement. Maybe I can cheer Raggedshadow up by catching som prey! All of her senses immediately became alert, ears pricked and claws unsheathed. She would make Raggedshadow return to his normal self, whether he liked it or not.
It wasn't long before Sparrowpaw picked up the scent of a water vole coming from a couple of fox-lengths ahead of her. She instantly dropped down into her hunting crouch, trying to position herself the best that she could. She flicked her ear to tell Raggedshadow that she would attempt to catch this one, and without a moment's hesitation, she began to creep up on her prey.
Silently, she barelypushed through some undergrowth, keeping herself concealed right at the edge. She could see it now, scuffling among the roots of a juniper bush. It grabbed a juniper berry and started nibbling on it, unaware of the predator that slowly crept out of the greenery. At the last second, as Sparrowpaw pushed off her hind legs, the water vole managed to turn, but she was too fast. With no hope of escaping, the water vole's neck easily snapped as Sparrowpaw gave the killing bite. Grabbing the prey into her jaws, she happily trotted back to Raggedshadow, her eyes shining with triumph.
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Post by Masquerade on Jan 29, 2012 19:57:52 GMT -5
He watched her, watched how she dropped into a hunters crouch and stalked her prey. He watched how the vole just stayed there, unsuspecting of the danger it was now in. He watched her technique, nodding once. She was good, he'd give her that. As the breeze lifted momentarily, his head jerked to the left, his senses on high-alert now. His ears perked up, and his nose lifted just slightly into the air. He caught wind of yet another vole.
The color-blotched warrior crouched low, fur just barely off the ground. He slipped toward the brush, eyes narrowing in on just the single bit of prey. It wasn't much, but both would be good for the clan. Any bit of prey was good. As long as it fed the Elders and Queens, everything was fine.
His ears flattened against his skull, his tail lowered, but stayed above the ground. His claws extended themselves, just slightly, so that they'd be ready if the vole tried to escape. His jaws parted, slightly salivating. He hadn't eaten all morning, or even some of last night, but he was fine. His belly was full enough. Raggedshadow kept his eyes solely on what was in front of him, not signalling his find. He was sure she'd see soon enough.
The vole scurried across the ground, unsuspecting to the danger just behind it. The feline drew forward, light as a downy feather just fallen from a baby bird. In the second it took for the feline to sneak a little closer, the vole heard something and began to bolt ahead. Raggedshadow didn't stay put any longer. He shot across the ground, long legs carrying him swiftly, much like a Windclanner's across the moorlands. He sprang, coming down on the vole like an owl would a mouse. His jaws came down siwftly, cutting off any sound that the little bit of scrap were about to let loose. The warrior stood tall, the vole hanging limply between sharp rows of teeth. He carried it back to where Sparrowpaw stood, starting a small pile for them to pick up on their way back.
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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Jan 30, 2012 15:42:08 GMT -5
What? It took a moment for the truth to sink in. The triumph in Sparrowpaw's eyes vanished and was replaced with disappointment and hurt. All she was trying to do was cheer Raggedshadow up, by showing him what a good hunter she was, thanks to him. But he merely ignores her, dumping his prey on the ground and burying it beneath the earth. No "good job" or a "nice work", like he usually would've said to her after a successful catch. But now, he was just plain out ignoring her.
The sudden anger that formed in her belly almost made Sparrowpaw snap at him, but she shook it off. There was no point in starting a silly arguement just because her mentor didn't congratulate her on her catch. Maybe she can catch something else, and Raggedshadow might respond. But she couldn't help but feel that something was distracting him, and it was most likely from the night before. Why couldn't he just get over it? Nothing really happened, really, so why did he have to get so worked up by a confusing conversation?
Then it dawned on her. Was Sparrowpaw the one making him like this? The thought made her instantly feel guilty, and she felt worse as she slowly began to believe that it was true. The way she rudely left, when Raggedshadow himself told her how lonely he was feeling. But it was all too much for her; being so close to him, and being asked about unusual topics like why she cared for him. It didn't make any sense. They were just friends... but why did she want to relive that moment, when she was beside him in an embrace? It should've meant nothing. But Sparrowpaw could never forget the security and strange warmth she felt when she was with him.
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Post by Masquerade on Feb 4, 2012 15:31:18 GMT -5
His gaze slipped down to his apprentice, a feeling stirring in his chest. He hoped she felt how bad he was feeling. He hoped, inside, that she felt the torment that tore at his heart; his being. He sat, tail flicking behind him. "Smell the air." He finally said, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "Try to find more prey. Stalk it carefully and then pounce. Keep yourself light." He added, eyes sparkling for a moment. He didn't feel himself, and wondered if he needed to just leave her be.
Raggedshadow wondered if he needed to speak with the leader... It would kill him, but maybe it was what they both needed. Maybe they both needed to be away from one another. Would it work? "I was thinking of speaking with Brindlestar about transferring you to another mentor." The tom meowed, not looking at her now. He was ashamed of himself, and wasn't quite sure at what to do.
"Maybe it would help clear the air. Maybe it would help you become a warrior much faster than I can help you." He added, lifting his nose into the air for a moment. Prey trails were a little stale, but he knew there were some out there... somewhere. Just like there was someone out there for every other cat. Maybe not him, but he knew others found their perfect match. He, himself, would be alone for the rest of his life. It may not be much of a long life, but he knew he'd be around for a little while.
He shook his head, knowing he'd just started something else to argue about. He mentally clawed himself, allowing no room to even think.
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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Feb 4, 2012 17:45:51 GMT -5
Sparrowpaw barely frowned at Raggedshadow's words. He was telling her things that he had already taught her. Was she not good enough? She had caught that vole with swiftness and thought. Was he just saying this so he would, at least, have something to say to her? Without arguing, she opened her jaws and took in a deep breath, scenting faint trails of mouse and vole all around her. There wasn't anything to argue about, so why start now?
She had just pinpointed a mouse and turned to tell Raggedshadow, but he wasn't looking at her. At least, not directly. What's going on? she thought nervously, her blood turning to ice. When the words came out, she froze, eyes widening in shock and disbelief. "What?" she managed to utter, her voice high-pitched and innocent.The worst that could happen would be him bringing up last night, but she never imagined it could be this bad.
Raggedshadow wanted to transfer her to another mentor? Why would he want to do something like this? Before she could stop herself, tears formed in her eyes and her claws dug into the soft ground. "Do you have bees in your brain? You're the only mentor I know who does his job better than anyone else. I don't understand how you can't see this!" she mewed, voice cracking. "All I wanted was for things to go back to normal. Maybe if I didn't care about you so much, I would never have found you yesterday, and none of this would never have happened!" Her mind was reeling and every feeling she had ever felt for this tom came rushing back. "I have no one else to turn to," she whispered, the earlier anger fading from her voice.
Without a moments' hesitation, Sparrowpaw turned and dashd off, tears streaking down her face. Her flank was heaving after a fair amount of running, but she kept going. She didn't know why she was doing this. Once she was sure she was far enough from Raggedshadow, she sat down behind a heather bush and stared at the ground. She was in a miserable state of mind - her thoughts were practically fighting each other and her heart was pounding against her chest. Her breaths came in uneven sobs. Why, Raggedshadow? Why would you do this to me?
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Post by Masquerade on Feb 4, 2012 18:08:38 GMT -5
Without a second's hesitation, he flew to his paws. "Sparrowpaw! Sparrowpaw, wait!" He yowled, feeling like he'd just lost his world. He rocketed after her, feeling like nothing but a blur of black and white fur, his eyes clouding over with tears and making it hard for him to see. He had to stop for a moment, his nose in the air, frantically trying to scent her out. His breathing was ragged, and he couldn't think straight.
He should have never said it.. none of those words should have ever left his mouth, but they had. And there was no taking them back. The most he could ever do was lay down his life for her, and that was what he would do anyway. He'd do anything to protect her, to keep her safe. Even if it meant throwing himself onto the thunderpath to keep her from being hit. He had to keep looking for her, and he'd never quit. Even if it meant coming across a band of rogues and fighting them all at once. He'd do anything to be with her right at that moment.
He continued his running, feeling as if he was racing time to get to her. He couldn't keep himself back anymore, he had to tell her. He just had to. His aqua colored eyes scanned the territory, until he could make out a heather bush. He threw himself at it, bowling straight into her. He tumbled over himself, landing hard on the ground with a deep harrumph. Winded, he attempted to pull himself to his paws, thought it took a moment to be successful at it.
Raggedshadow stood, his heart racing and his mind blank. He didn't know what he was going to say until he said it, for sure. He breathed hard, his stance set. He carefully looked down, feeling ashamed and unworthy. He had everything to say right now, and he didn't even know where to start.
"Sparrowpaw.. I.. I don't even know where to start. There are so many things I want to tell you, so I'm asking you to please listen. This... this is hard for me..." Raggedshadow began,his eyes already teary. He took a breath again, having trouble getting enough air to his lungs, feeling like he was going to break down and just sob until he no longer could. "I've felt things around you that I have with no other cat. I just can't ever seem to get things right, and it kills me. Every time I hurt you, it rips me apart, and I never am myself. Sparrowpaw, I'm... I'm in love with you, and I can't help it. I only want what is best for you, and if that means having you moved to another mentor so you can have a clear mind, then I'll do it... even if it means killing me...." He meowed, voice soft and unsure. He didn't know how things would play out this time around.
"I'm so sorry... I'm a worthless excuse for a warrior, a cat, for anything, and all I ever seem to do is upset you, but I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Anytime you need me, you just call for me, and I'll be there..."
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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Feb 4, 2012 18:41:33 GMT -5
Sparrowpaw was just beginning to calm down, when a flash of black suddenly crashed into the clearing before her, tumbling to a halt. She realized at once, that it was Raggedshadow, and her eyes flew open. She looked away, trying to hide the misery in her eyes. After everything he had said to her, he came back. Why? Didn't he want space between them? Sparrowpaw didn't; not at all. In fact, she realized that she never wanted to be parted from the black and white tom she had grown to care about.
Before she could even gather her thoughts, Raggedshadow had already began to speak. The tabby apprentice could barely follow his words, or understand them, at that. But as he went on, she didn't say a word. Her paws were tingling and her ears were pinned against her head, anxious of what he had to say. What did he want to tell her? Through the entire time, she felt a warm feeling spreading over her heart. Maybe it was because she was glad Raggedshadow came back, instead of letting her walk away - or run, in this case.
"Sparrowpaw, I'm... I'm on love with you, and I can't help it." Sparrowpaw's heart skipped a beat - or maybe two; she didn't know. All she could think of was that Raggedshadow loved her. Did he, really? No... no, no, no. This couldn't be happening. She was an apprentice, he was a mentor. In a way, it was like breaking the warrior code, to her, at least. All this time, Raggedshadow had felt this way about her, and she never even guessed. Her eyes filled with guilt, but something else, too.
Suddenly, everything made sense. All those time when Raggedshadow had been kind to her, and the gentle look in his eyes when he spoke to her. How the softness in his voice always managed to make her relax, and feel at ease. It was true. He really did love her. But did she love him back? She barely had time to think about it when Raggedshadow went on, saying how he was a worthless excuse for a warrior and a cat.
"No, you're not a worthless excuse of a cat... you're my mentor, and my friend..." she mewed softly, her mossy gaze gentle from a feeling she had never experienced before. At the word 'friend', Sparrowpaw realized that it didn't define what Raggedshadow was to her. He wasn't just a friend, or her mentor; he was something much more than that. Her heart swelled with an unusual warmth, and without thinking, she pressed her cheek against his chest, shutting her eyes tightly. "You mean so much to me..." she whispered, letting his familiar scent wash over her. Maybe... maybe she was in love with the blue-eyed tom who stood before her.
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Post by Masquerade on Feb 4, 2012 18:56:39 GMT -5
Right about then, he felt as if he was going to float away. His heart was pounding in his chest, just as much as it felt that it had grown about four sizes. Honestly, he felt as if his chest could no longer contain it. When he'd heard her last sentence, he about fell over, that was until he registered the feeling of her cheek on his chest.
"I just don't want to lose you, Sparrowpaw..." He whispered softly, resting his own cheek on the top of her head. His eyes closed themselves, a breath caught in his throat. He never thought that he'd see the day that she even mentioned caring for him. He really had no idea what to say, or even what to do.
"You just don't even know how much it hurts me to see you upset.. or how much I care about you.." Raggedshadow whispered once more, finding it hard to speak out the same way he had. He was at a loss, and it sure wasn't the first time it'd happened before. He wrapped his tail around himself, the tip resting just on Sparrowpaw's paw, and he fought the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.
"I don't ever want to see you leave..." He meowed, voice hoarse and nearly cracking. He couldn't fight it anymore, and he let the tears fall. They were slow, but meaningful. It hurt him so much to even think about her disappearing or getting hurt. If anything was keeping him grounded, from leaving... it was her.
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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Feb 4, 2012 19:16:49 GMT -5
Sparrowpaw couldn't believe how sincere Raggedshadow's words were. He truly means it, she thought, a purr rumbling from the depths of her throat. She didn't intend for it to come out, but it just did. She was happy, for once in her life. And not 'happy', like when she hunts with Raggedshadow. She was happy that he cared about her, that he didn't want her to get hurt, and that he never wanted her to leave.
"I'll never leave you," she breathed, pressing into the tom's warm fur. She didn't know how it was able to make her feel so safe and calm, but she was glad that it did. Sparrowpaw didn't know how glad she truly was, to have the privelage of having Raggedshadow as her mentor. Even if he never became her mentor, she was sure that she would've fallen in love with him anyway. Raggedshadow was someone who she just couldn't ignore.
"I want to be with you, Raggedshadow... I just wanted someone to be there for me, and you always were. No one can replace you, ever," she mewed softly, her heart pounding against her chest. She couldn't bring herself to say it; those three words that couldn't possibly mean more to Raggedshadow. She was afraid of saying it - even if she didn't know why. It could've been that if she said it, she would break down to tears, then and there. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. But one thing she knew, was that she wanted to tell him those words...
"I-I... I love you." Then, Sparrowpaw realized why she had to say it. It was because no other word could describe how she felt towards Raggedshadow. The warmth, and happiness... it made perfect sense. Who knew, that something like this could ever happen to a nobody like her. All her life, she was looking after her troublesome sister, with no father to show her the love she had always wanted. But now, Raggedshadow was here for her. He always would be.
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Post by Masquerade on Feb 4, 2012 19:28:41 GMT -5
He couldn't stop himself from purring, starting in his chest and reaching his throat. He was happy that she was happy, and extremely proud to even be near her. "Oh, Sparrowpaw.. I love you so much. Starclan will never find a way to describe it, and neither will I. There's just no possible way." Raggedshadow meowed, smiling gently. He knew there was one thing that he wanted so badly to ask her, but he wasn't so sure that he could.
"I look forward to each morning that I wake up, because I know that I'll see your beautiful face. Each night I fall asleep, I fall asleep remembering how the day was spent with you around. You are my everything; my world, and I will do anything for that to stay that way.." He whispered, the smile even in his speech. He couldn't find a way to even express how he felt.
"I want to be with you... forever. I don't know if it's the right time to ask, but will you be mine forever? Mate.. just isn't a good word for this..." He rambled, "but that's not the point. I just want to be called yours, or claimed, or yeah. Just yours. And I want you to be mine.. for as long as I live.." He finally stopped himself, feeling like jumping and running for joy. He felt just like a kit again, and he could barely contain himself.
His paws tingled and his heart raced. He was over excited. So extremely happy that there wasn't even a word for it.
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Post by ♦ stormeh ♦ on Feb 4, 2012 19:41:35 GMT -5
Sparrowpaw didn't mind that Raggedshadow kept rambling on about his love for her. She didn't want to miss a word he said, because each and every one of them made her feel more and more happy. It no longer mattered to her, if she was an apprentice and he was her mentor. Their love mattered, not what others thought of them. Besides, she would become a warrior soon enough. Oh, she couldn't wait!
"I want to be with you... forever." Startled, Sparrowpaw said nothing for a long time. Forever? She didn't know what would happen in the future, but she wanted the same thing. She wouldn't be able to bear it if Raggedshadow left her. She would have no one else to confide in. If he left her, she'd be miserable for the rest of her life. She would be his forever, even when she joined the sparkling ranks of StarClan.
The brown tabby looked up at Raggedshadow, her eyes gleaming with warmth and amusement. "Do you have dirt in your ears?" she purred, a grin spreading across her face. Sparrowpaw gently touched her nose to his, holding it there for a few moments. That affectionate gesture, alone, should've gave him an answer. Her mossy gaze locked with Raggedshadow's, and she lost herself in the blue depths of his eyes, feeling a bit dizzy. Everything just felt so right... She wanted to freeze that moment and stay in it forever, embraced by Raggedshadow's love.
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